the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
