Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
