Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
