Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
