I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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