and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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