It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
