drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
