I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
