Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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