i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
handjob tips. give me some.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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