shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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