if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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