she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
