Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
