The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
