u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
