I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
