I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
