Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
