Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
one two three fourrrrnication!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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