she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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