What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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