uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
