Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
