How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
