You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
