I think I died a long time ago.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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