he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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