oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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