I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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