I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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