I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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