Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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