I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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