moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
