You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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