Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
