his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
