Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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