I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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