Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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