Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
