I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
