First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
