Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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