Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
