if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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