he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
