Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
