I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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