Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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