I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
