from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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