i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it because I queefed?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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