Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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