my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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