dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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