I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
