My friends, they love my intelligence
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
