I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
