Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
