The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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