I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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