My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
