he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You may now shotgun with the bride
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
