It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
