I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
