Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
